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Name: Calla Roan
Location: United States
Expertise: American Sign Language
Industry: American Sign Language Interpr
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|Idc what B says-he can't possibly find me attractive. At this weight especially. I'm revolting.|
I'm going back to ana/mia. Idc if they're bad for me, they always supported me in the past. As long as I don't let it affect my walk, I'm fine.
Today (which is what confirmed it), I realized I ate 1671 calories! And I only burned 120 of them! It's revolting! I'm going to be beautiful, even if it kills me. Mark my words, you'll never see this much of me again.
Goal, because I don't want to ruin my metabolism too horribly is 1000 calories a day. I want to burn 200 of them.
|Okay. Sorry, gotta have the girl AWH! blog. So, all day, I was hanging with my friend Amber, her boy toy Nick, and my friend from youth group Bryan. We were at the waterpark, but it's pretty small and you can only be there for so long before you have to leave from boredom. So we head over to Panera, and we and Bryan are like, kinda flirting, with our egs and then arms touching, and we keep poking each other. So, my friend Amber, in all of her subtlety, sits on my lap, and starts making out with my cheek, which basically forces me to lean totally against Bryan. Which led to hand holding. Which led to me basically laying on him when David made me miserable (he texted Amber saying he would have to live with the memory of the night he decided to fuck me for the rest of life. THANKS!).|
So, we all go home, and my and my parents go out to fireworks. So, I'm texting him, and he's not going anywhere, so I ask him to come watch them with me. We're all in the bed of the truck, but he and I are behind my parents, up on the box in the bed. So, we're sitting close, and we're covertly hand holding. And it's all cute. But, during the finale, he leans over, and he's all, "Would you go out with me?". Of course, I said yes. So, he gives me this adorable little peck. Which totally made my night. I mean really, asked out under the fireworks? Totally just awh!
|Ok, yes, this is kind of a random post, but it's been weighing on me heavily and, for some reason, I feel awkward asking anyone. I guess it's one of the many things I feel like an idiot for not knowing, since I just became a Christian. So, I guess this is kind of an open question?|
But, I know the generally accepted way to pray is close your eyes and bow your head-part of the whole reverence aspect, yeah? Oh, and folding the hands, although I don't actually see it that much (geez, I sound like I'm spying on people while they pray. I promise, I'm not.). But, I don't pray that way-something just feels... off? about it. I close my eyes so I can focus solely on God and what I'm praying, but I raise my head towards the heavens. I'm not sure why, it just lets me feel closer to God. So, being the new and fairly naive Christian that I am, is this like, even acceptable?
And, come to think about prayer, there's kind of an offshoot question of that. While there are some times where I do fully pray to Him, meaning I have a specific purpose (or purposes) to why I'm praying. But, a lot of times, I just end up holding a conversation, albeit a slightly one-sided one. I know there's a verse that says we should not ramble on in our prayers like the Pagans do, but does holding a conversation with God and just bouncing ideas and such off him count as rambling?
Again, kinda silly questions, but I'm wondering.
|Wow. I saw the Featured Question (which I've never bothered to answer before-too pointless), and I just have to answer it. My first reaction to it is it is totally a God thing now; He's like, presenting EDs to me wherever I go. Well, some of it's a God thing-the positive ones, like this question or showing me the concern my friend has for me; other parts of it are a devil thing-he's presenting me temptation in the form of EDs wherever I go.|
But anyways. If I had a friend who was Ana or Mia or what have you, I think I'd be honest with him or her from the start. It'd be like, "I can truly say I know what you're going through; I struggle with both of them myself, and I know it freaking sucks." and I'd just go from there. Speaking from experience is always the best way to go. For me, it'd be hard to rein in the side of me that is fiercly pro-AnaMia that I'm working to quell, but at the same point, it wouldn't, because I wouldn't wish this type of hell on anyone.
I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!
|I'm done. I have given all control of my eating over to God, something I had never done before. I trust he will allow me to eat normally, and find the beauty I know resides somewhere in me.|
I am better than an eating disorder, I am better than BDD, I am better than all the junk (as Dale puts it) that I have struggled with. It's finished.